I feel an emo rant coming on. Please excuse all the whining, I'm not usually like this... sometimes.
GAHHH!!!!
I motherfucking needed to let that out, once again, I failed to purchase a life and carried out the exact same routine I do every day. I desperately need to have another one of my 'Seize the Day' days... those are always fun.
*sigh* Todays just sucked, about many things, some which may seem stupid and pointless, but the small things can sometimes seem incredibly important. Well, I just rambled like an idiot today in front of people, looked like shit and I could tell, as I was walking to school people were looking me up and down with disgusted looks on their faces and I just wanted to tell them to 'FUCK OFF!'
I hate people who look down on other people when they ain't the most prettiest thing ever.
The sky was gloomy and spitting, which made my hair frizzy, people ignored me even when I spoke to them. Whenever I have best friends and someone new and interesting comes along they just dump me and while I constantly try to pathetically 'win them back' they just have fun with their new best friend, I mean, I wouldn't care if they still talked to me, but no! They just have to drop me. Trust me, this happens a lot in my life and no surprise it's happening again.
Then, after a while of me crying (shutup) and moping around talking about how my life sucks, I get this 'kick' thing and I just tell myself that they mustn't have been my best friend if they do that, so instead of my trying to talk to them and getting shot down, I talk to other people (and yeah, I do have other friends apart from whoever the 'best friend' is, I'm not that sad). Then guess what, they're like 'WTF?' am I ignoring them or something? Why am I not talking to them?
It's stupid. It really is.
My neck hurts and I have a headache.
And I was thinking today when we were having a great, fun art lesson. My dream is to become a writer, travel the world, see new things, meet new people and fall in love. But, what if I don't get to do any of that?! What if I'm just this stupid, East London girl who works the tills at Asda and goes out on Saturday nights to get drunk and have a quick shag with whoevers offering. I swear, if my life turns out like that, I... I dunno, but God if it does...
Jeez, I just want the weekend to come, my dads going away with his friends for the weekend to go to France, so it'll be, me, my mum and my two brothers. Y'know what I plan on doing for the whole two days? Pig out, listen to music, play Super Mario, watch movies, read comics/books/magazines, watch re-runs of Friends and write/edit my fanfic.
This weekend I refuse to have a life.
That shit can start next week when I will have a 'fresh start'.
*sigh* I'm sorry if (and I doubt it... - THERE I GO AGAIN!) someone's reading this post and is like 'get over yourself, love'. I'm not like this. I'm really not.
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